As in ten seconds or less. Most of it comes through the first impression we make. Once we make a first impression, we then go into maintenance mode. Maintenance mode is the life method of people who are well-liked. Or a world class golfer works with not one but three coaches to perfect her swing for months prior to the next WPGA championship. At work or a place they attend regularly, they smile at everyone within 10 feet of them.
However, they make you the star of the room by listening 80 percent of the time and talking 20 percent of the time unless you specifically ask them a question.
They remember important life dates and acknowledge them. Again, they made notes of these things after talking with you so they could be prepared to have a great conversation with you the next time you talk. They take proactive steps in their pursuit of friendliness. When speaking with you, they notice your pace of speech, how much or how little you use your hands, how animated or low-key you are, and other similar things that reflect you.
Well-liked persons are social life-preservers. A real-life example of this was shared with me recently. So, if someone says negative things about other people, their friend is going to assume that person is negative, and vice versa.
Likable people might indulge in gossip sometimes, but for the most part, they stay positive and say good things about others. They also have a generally more positive outlook on, well, pretty much everything.
It's a fact that good communication is the foundation for a great relationship, no matter what kind of relationship it is. And part of being good at communicating is being a good listener. Well-liked people know how to listen — not only are they acting curious, but they're also genuinely listening to what the person they're with is saying. They don't turn conversations around to be about themselves — they focus on the person talking.
Similar to being transparent and sincere, well-liked people are also more vulnerable. In other words, they aren't afraid to show who they really are, no matter who that person is — and they also aren't afraid to show when they're upset, angry, or very happy. They don't guard their emotions carefully, and they aren't incredibly mysterious. This is probably why so many bloggers on Instagram with millions of followers open up about their random struggles throughout life — it keeps them just vulnerable enough and makes other people want to keep watching.
Being vulnerable makes others feel closer to you. One thing well-liked people definitely aren't is judgmental. Travis Bradberry, author of Emotional Intelligence 2. Happiness and positivity is contagious. People like happy people. If you have a positive spin on something, it's refreshing. While it's tempting to want to appear modest by beating yourself down or to try to appear intellectual by hating everything we all know that person , don't do it.
It's no good for you, your wrinkles, or the people around you. That being said you knew there was a caveat, didn't you?
Complaining is a tool that can drive people together. Just make sure you don't do it all the time! Did your boss just take away casual Friday and insist everyone work late? Did Sheila just take the last donut? Not appropriate. Again, pick your battles. Know when to end the conversation.
There is no conversation on the entire planet that is or should be infinitely long. And some should be shorter than others. When you sense yours dying down, let it. Tell the person how interesting the conversation was unless it was terrible; in which case, why are you wasting your time on this person? If it's getting awkward, politely excuse yourself. A simple, "Well, I have to get going.
I'll see you later! There will be science on it eventually. Part 3. Have good manners. When's the last time you hung out with someone who was straight up rude? If it was recently, it was probably one of your old, embittered relatives.
If you really had the choice, you wouldn't. So don't be your cranky grandpa. Use "please," "thank you," and hold the door for the person behind you. Can you think of one reason not to? It is not impressive to treat people beneath you as if they're beneath you. So tip the waitress. Ask her about her day. Don't scowl at the grocery clerk about the clean-up in aisle 5.
Be polite to everyone. Use emotional self-control. The most likeable people are those who are calm, laid back, and easy-going. People especially strangers may get turned off if they see that you are overly neurotic, difficult, or paranoid.
Try not to get angry or overreact when things don't go your way. It will only make you feel more stressed out and strangers uncomfortable. That doesn't mean you should be aloof to the emotional needs of others, but try to help others in a comforting and reasonable way.
People want to see a person that is stable and happy. Try not to get easily offended by harmless jokes, and have a good sense of humor about things in general. Get involved. Just getting yourself out there is half the battle!
If you're on someone's soccer team, for example, it gives you ammo for making conversation and it also shows them that you're similar. We humans like to know when people are like us! So join a club or group and get around people. You can't be liked if you're at home by yourself! This will also put you around people that you may naturally get along with.
It's hard getting along with strangers and people that you don't have anything in common with. A club or group is a great place to test your new social jiujitsu! Smile and make good eye contact. You can say all the nicest, most interesting things in the world, but if you're frowning and staring at your cup of coffee, no one's going to pay you any mind. Soon enough, you'll be the person in the corner talking to their morning cup of Joe.
So smile! Let people know you're approachable and in the moment. And when they talk to you, look at them! Rocket science, huh? When we're nervous, it's tempting to avoid eye contact. If this is an issue of yours, make it a point to look at you. If you don't, it can be a little offensive -- especially if they're talking! They'll not know of your issues and just assume you're not paying attention.
A good rule of thumb is if they're talking about something that seems important to them, make the effort. If it's just casual, off-hand remarks, let your gaze wander. Read up. To hold your own in conversations, it's imperative to use the right tone, have approachable body language and a general aura of positivity, but if you have nothing to say, you'll feel pretty useless. So read up on current hot topics! Treat yourself to some TV and some mindless Internet surfing.
You'll feel better having interesting things to say. Not everyone shares the same interests. Because of this, not everyone will like you. Reading up on NASA's latest findings and getting tickets to the Doctor Who one-night special won't get you into the group that spent last night watching Real Housewives of Alcatraz. Stick to what interests you -- it's all that really matters. Don't try too hard. We all know that person that's too nice for their own good.
They're constantly complimenting others, going out of their way to accommodate everyone, and not making any decisions because they don't want to rock the boat. Don't be the doormat, trying to please everyone! You'll be better liked if you do have a backbone and a sense of self. Without a personality, there's no one under that skin of yours to like!
It deserves to be said once more: there is no pleasing everyone. You will get along with some people and you won't get along so well with others. This is how the world works. So when you don't jive with someone, don't stress. You'll jive with someone else. Be confident because you're awesome. If you think people don't like you, there's a large possibility it's all in your head.
You have a unique personality that has value in this world. You just gotta show off your stuff to know it! So get out there! Can't win if you don't play. Lisa Shield Dating Coach. Lisa Shield. Show a genuine interest in other people by asking them questions about themselves. Active listening —where you respond to what people are saying with timely verbal and nonverbal prompts, conversation reinforcements, and questions—is a skill that well-liked people have mastered. And they make a point of not looking at their smartphones or computer screens while they're talking to someone else.
This makes the other person feel important, which builds your likeability. Of course, to remember, you must first be a good listener. Likeable people remember things about those they work with, and they make sure they let those people know that they remember.
Listening and remembering shows that you value your conversations and time spent with other people, which in turn leads them to value their time spent with you. At appropriate times, likeable people joke, laugh, and are just plain fun to be around.
Who doesn't want to be around someone who can share a good laugh? They have unorthodox business meetings, and they like to surprise the people they work with. You'll meet at the office one day and at the baseball field the next. These people know the importance of lighthearted fun on the job, and they try to incorporate it into their daily life, at work and at home.
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