You can't change reality just by being frustrated about it. Stress won't help you — it'll just make you feel angry, disappointed and powerless. There's absolutely nothing you can do about the weather! The key to achieving happiness isn't changing reality, but finding your true place in the realities you can't change.
We often feel overwhelmed in the face of big problems, such as war, hunger or pollution. These are powerful forces, and a single individual is virtually powerless against them. You will fail if you try to solve the world's problems on your own. You'll just get angry at the people you hold responsible.
That anger might motivate you, but it also might make you run into walls. Instead, be confident about the little changes you can enact. You'll feel better when you know that you can make a difference, even in a small way. Your actions will also come to you more easily — you'll know what to do without feeling pressure, anger or frustration.
You can't stop a huge corporation from destroying the rainforest, for example, but you can stop buying their products. Accept that you can do something about the problem and you'll feel much more satisfied.
Sure, it might help you overcome your fears or fix your relationship, but it won't address money or career issues, right? His feelings about his partner are creating tensions between the two men. While Joe might think his partner is useless, what if he turned his thoughts around?
Joe might realize that his partner is weak in some areas, but certainly stronger in others. His partner just might be indispensable, even if he struggles with accounting. When you apply The Work to all aspects of your life, you might discover that you've been suffering for nothing. Do you find yourself struggling to reach career goals, despite all your hard work?
If so, consider what you're actually working toward. Do you really need to be financially successful to be satisfied? If not, you might be pressuring yourself to work toward something you don't actually want or need. Are you sure you aren't looking for happiness instead? The Work will help you find your true path! Eventually, Katie contends, it becomes second nature to apply the Work to every situation, thus ending personal suffering.
The underlying theory that all suffering is caused solely by erroneous thinking is certainly not original witness Anthony DeMello and others. Still, many will find these tools helpful for making peace with their reality. View Full Version of PW.
More By and About This Author. Buy this book. She does tell a woman to figure out what part her nine year old self had in her own rape, what she did 'wrong'. That sounds very discomforting, but I think I see why she does it. When you've had some kind of trauma, there's often a question I was recommended this by my counsellor.
When you've had some kind of trauma, there's often a question of what you could've done to prevent it. Maybe you let someone do something bad to you because you were frightened. You can believe almost totally that you couldn't have escaped the situation, but you still have that lingering shard of doubt -- and that could be a way in to learn to recover from it, starting with forgiving your own perceived complicity. I found her attitude a little arrogant at times, and condescending.
But the basic ideas can be useful and provide a way to logically see how you can better a problem by controlling your part in it. Likewise, it asks you to accept the past as it was, because that's the only way it can be -- you can't change it, only the way you relive it in your mind. I would say, read this with caution, if you do read it. Aspects of it were useful for me, but I'm still uncomfortable about other aspects. View 2 comments. Sep 26, Laura rated it it was amazing Shelves: owned , nf , audible , self-help , I own both the audio and paper versions of this book.
Considering the fact that most of my reading and listening comes from local libraries, that is saying something. The concepts in this book are fairly easy to grasp, and the impacts can be life-changing. Rather than studying enlightenment for years and hoping for a glimpse, Katie's ideas are the fast-track. To summarize, the book explains that we are the projector of the world and everyone in it. If the world seems chaotic, there is chaos insi I own both the audio and paper versions of this book.
If the world seems chaotic, there is chaos inside us, and our job is to shine the light there. The understanding is like a lightbulb being switched on; it is instant and life-changing. Both the abridged and unabridged versions of the audiobook are wonderful. Katie does most of the narration. The abridged version consists mostly of live clips of Katie doing "The Work" with others at public events.
The unabridged version is basically a reading of the full paper book. They are completely different but in my opinion, equally helpful. I encourage anyone looking for a peaceful mind to read or listen to this book. Oct 08, Grace Dague rated it did not like it Shelves: Heard great things and watched a film clip of Byron Katie on Oprah.
What she said made some sense, so I bought the book. Stopped reading at page The recommendations in this book are potentially harmful. I would not put any stock in it. This reviewer found 12 potentially positive aspects and 37 potentially harmful aspects!
I truly bought into what she was saying with the first chapter and did a practice exercise, but something did not seem right.
I had Heard great things and watched a film clip of Byron Katie on Oprah. I had major objections when on page "Paul came into the room and saw me, and he stormed up to me, shouting, 'Jesus Christ, Kate, what the hell is the matter with you? So I said, 'Sweetheart, the matter with me is that I had the thought that you shouldn't be shouting, and it didn't feel right.
Thank you for asking. Now it feels right again. That is verbal abuse! As a survivor of an abusive relationship, I cannot take any advice from someone who excuses another person's abusive behavior. Please read more negative reviews on this book before purchasing! Don't put your very personal thoughts and emotions into Byron Katie's hands!
Nov 08, The Goon rated it did not like it Shelves: self-help , terrible. Byron Katie has it all figured out. The questions are: 1. How does it make you feel? Now, make 3 statements that will turn your written statement around to the self, to the other, and to the opposite. Are you sure you hate fat people? Can you be absolutely positive that you hate ALL fat people? Do you hate every single fat person in the entire world? What about nice fat people, do you hate them?
Do you hate fat people who are just a little over weight? What if they are fat because they have a health condition? Now turn it around. I hate myself when I am fat. Fat people hate me. Byron Katie can though. You are just projecting your thoughts onto others. I think perhaps the worst therapy transcription was between Katie and a woman who was raped as a child. I think I threw up in my mouth a little bit just typing that. No good! This book sucked my butt. I told her I had a commitment that day to be doing a public event in another city.
She was so hurt and angry that she hung up on me. I just did The Work on you, and I saw that there is nothing you can do to keep me from loving you. One day, when my grandson Travis was two years old, he pointed to a huge cookie in a store window. I asked him if he would share it, and he said yes.
I bought it and took his sweet little hand, and we walked to a table. I took the cookie out of the bag and broke off a small piece, and held up both pieces. He reached for the small one and looked very shocked as I moved it away and put the large piece in his hand, and his face lit up as he began to move the cookie to his mouth. Then his eyes caught mine. I felt so much love that I thought my heart would burst.
He smiled and took his huge cookie from his lips, gave it to me, and took the small piece. She had requested that I sit with her, so I came. One of her legs was so swollen that it was at least twice the size of the normal leg. Look at this leg. Now look at the other one. Who would you be without that thought? And she got it. She began to laugh, and the fear just poured out through her laughter.
She said that was the happiest she had ever been in her entire life. May 24, Sherry Joiner added it. It took years to correct the thought patterns and the way I felt about myself and others.
I searched my soul for the truth, and it enlightened every situation around me by me doing the 'work' of writing it down. I found out the reasoning behind- why I was being paranoid, and- why I made such rash judgments. Byron Katie invites you to discover the reality in your life, how you It took years to correct the thought patterns and the way I felt about myself and others.
Byron Katie invites you to discover the reality in your life, how you react to it, feel about it, then turn it around. Doing "The Work," I no longer hold onto false statements that support my paranoid thoughts.
Each day, I am growing with my healthier beliefs as I keep a journal on everything I feel needs my attention. This book is a must read for people of all walks of life. View all 8 comments. Apr 13, Farnoosh Brock rated it it was amazing. What if four questions could turn your frustration around and create harmony in your life?
What if you could ask yourself powerful questions and trust that the process would lead you to inner peace and pain-free existence? What if it really were that simple - not easy, mind you, but simple? This book has been an awakening in ways that I had not intended to experience.
Oh my, quite the awakening. In "The Work", Byron Katie takes us through th What if four questions could turn your frustration around and create harmony in your life? In "The Work", Byron Katie takes us through the process of asking four fundamental questions to the difficult, aggravating, frustrating and painful situations in our lives, be it a relationship, a workplace or office situation, a personal dilemma, or an internal conflict. She calls it "putting it to inquiry". I love how she asks her participants if they want to know the truth.
Some of us don't. Some of us like the lies we have made up. Some of us are too attached to those lies, and some of us would never welcome a wake-up call. Some of us imagine falling apart in the face of truth, so we run and hide with the lies.
But if you are not in that category, if you are courageous enough to face your demons with the statement: "I want to know the truth! May it shine a light of clarity into your problems too. I am infinitely glad that I read this book. On April 10th, I invited Ms. Byron Katie to come on to my show, The Daily Interaction podcast, for an interview and she said yes.
I interview her in May and can hardly wait. What a treat for me and my listeners. Be sure to look up the show on iTunes and check it out.
Nov 16, Brian Johnson rated it it was amazing Shelves: modern-classics , female-author. When the mind is perfectly clear, what is is what we want. Every thought, every person, every apparent problem is here for the sake of your freedom. God is unjust. If you want to argue with what is, you will suffer. Whose Business - Are you in? Alarm Clocks - Set a compassionate one. Aug 03, Heather rated it liked it Shelves: nonfiction , self-help. As other readers have stated, this book was really hard to review.
I didn't feel that the author was truly honest, for some reason. She presents herself as completely altruistic, but the dynasty that she is building through "the Work" doesn't seem to support that hypothesis.
She comes off as a bit of a New Age nut, and the book is a little silly in parts. But I have to admit that the four questions were insightful and actually helped me to see through a lot of issues I have been dealing with late As other readers have stated, this book was really hard to review.
But I have to admit that the four questions were insightful and actually helped me to see through a lot of issues I have been dealing with lately. I think that the questions are basic stuff for those familiar with cognitive behavioral therapy, but for some reason Katie's four particular questions really work.
What the process did for me was to help me clarify my part in the difficulties I was facing so I could let the rest go. Maybe the book wouldn't be so interesting to others who are already are more self-aware than I am, but I liked learning to be more honest with myself. I think many people would be surprised to find the stress and frustration that they think others are causing are actually self-generated.
Learning to ask myself "Can I really know that is true? Jul 03, Ashley rated it it was amazing. It just keeps being what it is and doing what it does. When I am discontent, it is because I cannot accept some person, place or principle that is not as I want. I get stuck on the "shoulds". Even though I know I need to let it go, I'm not sure how.
This book gives a very simple process of examining my thoughts. For this reason, I rate this book as a life changing five star.
Many of us cling to our story "Reality doesn't wait for your opinion, vote, or permission, sweetheart. Many of us cling to our story about how life has treated us. Our role as victim serves us well. This book will not be helpful to those of us unready to examine our perceptions about life. However, if you are tired of reliving over and over pain and hurt, this book may offer profound relief and a new freedom from terminal thinking. Dec 23, Ashley Hoopes rated it it was amazing. I give this book five stars because I think that it is a profound idea that Byron Katie is introducing- especially for those who are tormented with the weight of worry about those people and circumstances around them that they feel as though they have some power to control.
It was a breakthrough for me, to have permission to let go of some worries that I felt duty-bound to carry with me throughout life. Often, these questions pop up in my daily trains of thought, and cause me to re examine what I give this book five stars because I think that it is a profound idea that Byron Katie is introducing- especially for those who are tormented with the weight of worry about those people and circumstances around them that they feel as though they have some power to control.
Often, these questions pop up in my daily trains of thought, and cause me to re examine what I held as truth. It does have it's limits, in my mind, though Katie would disagree. In some circumstances, it does not work. But in freeing the mind, and giving inner peace, it was a must read for me. I highly recommend it. Aug 05, Elyse Walters rated it it was amazing. Haven't heard her name for years! FUN person! Feb 19, Barry Lee rated it did not like it.
At best, this is a gross oversimplification of real problems people face with solutions founded in anecdotal evidence and contradictory principles. If you cherry pick quotes out of this book you'll end up with a collection of seemingly valuable maxims, which I assume are the reasons for this book's success.
That being said, the book doesn't cohere well logically. One of the techniques she teaches is "the turnaround". This is where you turn a problem around and see if the problem is actually your At best, this is a gross oversimplification of real problems people face with solutions founded in anecdotal evidence and contradictory principles. This is where you turn a problem around and see if the problem is actually your fault or just in your head.
On page , she uses litter in the desert as an example of how things are. She says there's no point in judging people who litter, because the litter is already there, therefore it is part of the desert. While I can see how not getting upset might be helpful, the rest of the story is completely unhelpful and makes no sense.
If we should accept things the way that they are, then why bother picking up the litter? She later covers her bases by telling the reader not to get caught up on the turnarounds. But then what was the past pages all about? What's the point of this book then? The author pretty much tells people to get over things. Everything is in your head. Some of that advice could be valuable, but her delivery makes no sense whatsoever and is full of victim shaming.
She claims things like "there's no such thing as verbal abuse" and asks questions like "can you absolutely be sure that your dad doesn't love you? She blames a victim of sexual abuse by a stepfather for "assuming" that the victim's mom knew what was going on.
When the victim turns around and says other people had described the abuse, the author just claims that nothing is for certain. With that mentality, there really is no point in living. We should all be on controlled states of heroin use so we could just live our lives loving what is. Byron Katie's recommendation for the world would mean no goals, no reasons, just what is. I've never struggled reading a book this much in my life.
Maybe I'm the one victim shaming". Author's Favorite Word: Turnaround Jun 24, Britt rated it it was amazing. My first exposure to 'The Work' and Byron Katie was about 15 years ago. Back then, I probably would have given any of her books one, possible two stars.
But the truth is I wasn't ready or even able to hear or understand the concept of projection even with a Master's in psychology! A recent accidental rediscovery--by way of a 7 min video of her working with someone on Youtube--just blew my mind.
Since that day, I cannot get enough of Byron Katie's insights. The Work is working for me. I don't even really 'do' the Work but I ask myself the questions quickly and that in turn has helped me to see that my thoughts are not necessarily reality, and that my feelings are caused by those thoughts. That alone--dare I say it--has changed some aspects of my life dramatically. And I'm no pop psych junkie. I studied and appreciate the science of behavior, brain chemistry and sociology. I've been to psychologists, psychiatrists and therapist which I still recommend for each and every person.
What The Work brought me that all the books on the former list did not is an actual method--a process not a theory!
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